February 3, 2009
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It's Not About You, It's About Them!
Tim Roberts
Listening with care and curiosity is a rare business skill. In this less-than-desirable economy, one could have a good deal of empathy for salespeople and feel their frustration when they scream, "If my prospects would just listen to what I have to say, they'd know I can get the job done!" While there could be empathy, there should not be sympathy. Networking professionals and salespeople don't always listen with care and curiosity because their focus is misplaced. It is on themselves, their product and service; not on their prospects and customers.
Why is this so and what should you do? The answer to "why is this so?" is simple, but probably goes back a long way, and therefore takes time to remove. While we can all agree to the value of listening in a business meeting, the fact remains that we were programmed to answer questions early and often at a young age. In fact, we were probably rewarded for jumping at the chance to give the right answer. Getting rid of programming that was given to us by people we revered is not an easy thing to do, especially when it served us well for so long. We were, in fact, being programmed to be self-reliant, self-assured, self-confident...self-centered.
In sales and networking, indeed in life, the tendency to "look smart," "have answers always at the ready" and "to sell" can be managed with self-control. Control is the operative word. Imagine if you set the agenda for a meeting, you can control the meeting! Imagine the possibilities if you set the agenda for every meeting and allowed the prospect to feel in control, but you actually had control by your line of questions; by your curiosity; by your listening skills. Did you know that you can control the outcome of an event by your non-verbal behavior alone? Lack of control gives your prospect the opportunity to set the agenda. Once they set the agenda, the spotlights on you and you become their favorite "unpaid consultant."
What should you do? Be prepared. Before each meeting, decide - on paper - what you should be curious about. Care and curiosity means that you are willing to question every syllable and word from a prospect's mouth. Do not assume anything. For everything they tell you, you must wonder, "Why did they just tell me that?" When you give them the opportunity to ask you questions, know that there is a business or personal reason behind every question and you must figure out the ‘why' behind it. NEVER answer a question right out (unless, of course, they ask you what time it is). Know that when they ask you a question, more than likely, they have something they want to tell you. Don't be so rude as to cut them off. Start to answer the question, and then say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I can tell by your face, that you have something to tell me, what would that be?" Here, you will begin to get the truth behind the question. Learning to uncover the truth will up the ante on your curiosity. Curiosity will en dear you to them. Curiosity will help them trust you faster. Trust opens the floodgate of possibility.
Making others the focus of your meeting is hard work and requires diligent practice. Herein lies the challenge for most people. Why all that effort when I can cut to the quick with my presentation? I have actually heard this line in my training sessions before, "Tim, I could sell a lot faster if my prospects would just sit there and shut up." Isn't that cute?
Challenge yourself. Challenge yourself to go to your next meeting without brochures and without canned solutions. Challenge yourself to take pen and paper only. Challenge yourself to tell your prospects that you've brought no information because you haven't a clue as to what they're looking for. Challenge yourself to tell them that you have no idea if you have a solution (the truth is you don't - yet) because you don't know what the problems are. Challenge yourself to earn the right to give advice. Challenge yourself to listen with care and curiosity.
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