January 20, 2009
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The Little Person in You
Tim Roberts
“I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes.”
- Walt Whitman
Who speaks for you? Who develops trust for you? If you’re like most people, you’re probably not sure yourself most of the time – and that’s if you have an ounce of self-awareness!
Privileged as I am to work with many Indianapolis-based business-to-business salespeople, I often hear the many voices from within (including my own). Typically solid, helping voices reveal my prospects and clients’ thoughts but just as typically, non-productive characters call for the spotlight as well. The non-productive characters, and specifically, the not-OK child within us, can limit the best of plans for a successful career. More importantly, an active not-OK child within the cast of your voices, will lengthen the time it takes for trust to develop in a relationship.
Two favorite books, I’m OK – You’re OK (Dr. Tom Harris) and Games People Play (Dr. Eric Berne) may be worth your consideration. While dated, they remain current for the many people who don’t really feel all that OK with themselves.
While Freud established characters within us as the Superego, Id and Ego, Berne and Harris have updated the labels to Parent, Adult and Child and make a solid case for how large a role these voices (scripts) within play in our daily lives.
I have worked with many frustrated salespeople who, upon discovering the strongest (and typically, most sabotaging) player within, made immediate changes. Awareness would tell them that a not-OK child was the reason for their excuses or blame-making or that a predominant Critical Parent voice was guilty of random judgment and an onslaught of rules that ignored the requirements of others. Trust is not on fertile ground when either of these conditions prevail.
Trust is more than credibility, reliability and intimacy. It is more than integrity, honesty and sound decision-making. It’s about understanding the players within each of us and knowing that a strong Adult presence combined with the empathetic listening skills of a healthy Nurturing Parent ego state, will help develop and maintain trust for the long haul.
If you’re lacking the kind of deep relationships that are important to survive in business – or if you’re simply frustrated with the time it takes to land business because your prospects see you like everyone else, then the little person in you may be more alive than you’re aware of.
Trustpointe, Inc.
6666 East 75th Street, Suite 150
Indianapolis, IN 46250
Copyright ©2009 Trustpointe, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
