September 29, 2009
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Caution! Beware Labels!
Melissa Smurdon, Psych K Belief Specialist
I remember as a kid hiding behind my mom at church on Sundays. We were the pastor’s family…imagine how many people approached my family each week. Soon I learned that “Melissa is just shy.” For the next 16 years, I thought I was shy. I was a wall flower in high school. Only as I enjoyed the social scenes and taking leadership roles in college did I start to question that. Then came the Myers-Briggs test when my high school “Introvert” rating changed to “Extrovert.” My eyes were opened. I wasn’t shy after all! Perhaps as a little kid I was just overwhelmed with a bunch of adults all clamoring for my family’s attention.
I am keenly aware of the way we use labels in our culture. Particularly in labeling people. “He is cheap.” “She is overly sensitive.” Labels help us give a name to a particular person’s behavior as we perceive it. They help us explain why a person behaves over and over in a predictable way. The concern for me is that we get very attached to these labels. We look for evidence to support our perceptions and start to overlook clues that might help us learn more about the person. Labels can be limiting and in my opinion, should be used cautiously.
The most damaging of labels of course are those we have for ourselves. Many are subconscious and may have been assigned to us as a child or by a spouse or by our own damaging perspective of past mistakes and missteps. We deliver them like they are truth. A client was recently explaining a particular technology challenge and said in a very offhanded way “I am a frustrated learner.” It was like an explanation for why the technology aspect had been a challenging one. You better believe we stopped and examined THAT belief right away!
I challenge you to listen for those statements. What are you telling yourself about others? What are you telling others and yourself about you? And what might you want to do with it? I especially ask you to examine those messages with your children and the people in your life who believe what you tell them! Find ways to speak of possibilities instead of limits.
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